This is my Akeldema.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. (Scary, I know.) I've been thinking about life and all that's going on. It has really been one CRAZY semester, and it's even crazier that it's over. I have one semester left of high school. Woahhhh.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about how much God has been working on me and growing me. It's led me to think about the His faithfulness, and just the sheer craziness of where He's brought me the past two or three years.

Last summer, around the time that I made this blog, God introduced me to the idea of the Akeldema. Since it's not a very commonly-known idea, I'll explain it a little more. "Akeldema" is Hebrew for "field of blood." It's used in Acts 2, talking about Judas Iscariot killing himself in this field of blood, feeling so guilty about his betrayal of Jesus. When I first read this, it kind of struck me. I thought about it more and more, and over the course of the next few weeks, God kind of formed this idea in my head.

Bear in mind, I'm not taking this for any special revelation, Biblically accurate, etc... but as a metaphor to represent our spiritual condition.

Before we knew Jesus, the Bible says we were DEAD in our transgressions. This being said, I kind of have a vision of someone in their own "field of blood", trying to kill themselves, but just an endless cycle. Nothing but pain, agony, and death.

But then Romans 5 talks about how Jesus died for us while we were still sinners (I realize this is not a new concept for most). But then I get a vision of Jesus taking our place in our Akeldema. Him taking on our sins, but coming out on top. Our death CAN NOT beat Him. Craziness.

I realize this is a new concept for most, so let me share some lyrics that God kind of wrote through me, that should make this "metaphorical vision" a little less hazy for you.

This Is My Akeldema

Horror and pain,

All I see is shame

I’ve got myself to blame.

How long will this last?

Alone and dying,

I just want it to end

But yet I keep going further

I can’t stop.

There’s nothing but red,

This mess I’ve made

My unclean hands before me

My only release.

I slay myself,

Over and over

There could be nothing after this

My worst nightmare.

Is there no escape?

Where does this end?

I cry to nobody

Someone help.

One more blow,

I look below

Is this my refuge?

This blood-stained grass?

As the light begins to fade

I realize I’m leaving

Surely there can be nothing worse

Let it be.

I raise my weapon

One last time

The nail in the coffin

To end this once and for all

But then it’s gone

I feel it leave

My cries have ceased

Can this really be?

A man in white

My Savior comes

To take my place

My own field of blood

Peace and nothing but

This feeling, relief

I’m looking on to my Rescuer

Giving His life

But then He’s here

My death couldn’t beat Him

My life now His

I am not my own

I’m the desperate

You’re the Savior

Be thou my vision

O Ruler of All

It's kind of crazy the stuff that God puts in my head. I'm not sure if this is just pointless rambling, but I thought I'd share it anyways. Hope it gives you a good picture of God's love and sacrifice on our behalf. He is so good! Colossians 1:13 sums it up perfectly by saying this: "He has delivered us from the domain and darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

It's a crazy concept, to say the least.

I'm out.

CRT13