My Life

So, remember how I said I was going to start blogging again? Yeah, that worked for three entries. I would have loved to have gotten it really going. But, I finally realized one small fact: I can only write on rare occasions. If I try to force any writing, it sucks. I just have to let it come. And it usually doesn't come but once or twice a month (if I'm lucky). My last "journal" entry was eight months ago. There's another thing that I've realized, though. I feel like God uses my writing as almost prophetic. Not to say that I can prophesy or anything like that. Just that, as I've looked back on my journal entries over the past three years (there's only around ten), it's almost scary how much God has worked and how much is foreshadowed in my life from my writing even two weeks before. Take this for example. Here is my journal entry from September 30, 2010:

"Has it really been eight months since I last wrote? Have I really been to Africa and back? Have I really started my senior year of high school? Now that I look at it, a bunch has happened since I last wrote. I honestly have no idea where to begin. I almost feel like I'm a completely different person compared to eight months ago. I've changed so much. Some for the better, some for the worse, some for the I-have-no-idea-what-has-happened-to-me. I guess I'll start by saying that my schedule has been loaded. School [including AP Calculus, AP Literature, Shakespeare, Anatomy, Creative Writing, and Newspaper editing], tennis, working, mentoring ten sixth-graders, trying to find time to workout, trying to find time relax, be by myself, and get in the Word. And lately my schedule has been getting the better of me. I haven't been doing my homework, so I've been getting really behind in school. I haven't really had time to workout. And most importantly, I haven't really been making time to read the Word, or even acknowledge God at all. Which is the reason everything else has been out of whack. Sure, I could tell you that. But in all honesty, I have no idea how to even begin to fix it.

I guess after that it really becomes a matter of priorities. Where are they [mine]? Again, I could tell you where they should be. Where they need to be. But I know they're not there. I have no idea where my priorities are. And again, I have no idea how to change that. I want to be in the place where I desire God. I want to be in the place where I have motivation to read and pray. I want to be in the place where God is working in me and through me. But everything just seems so foreign to me."

Little did I know that just seventeen days later (October 17, 2010) would be the catalyst for the course of the rest of my life. I know that sounds extremely drastic, but now that I think about it, it's true. On that Sunday, I met the guy that God has used to impact me in eternal ways. This man has been God's instrument to reveal to me purpose and true Christianity. Since then, Jesus has been radically growing me. I am a completely 100% different person than I was when I wrote that last entry. I have begun to see real fruit in my life, glory going only to the Holy Spirit. Jesus has truly been working in and through me, in a way that only He can receive the credit. I have been experiencing true life these last eight months. God has shown me that life is in absolutely no way meant to be lived for myself. I have been called to love God and love others. Nothing more, nothing less. And God has been faithful to show me what that means, and what it looks like as I seek Him. He has shown me what true ministry and true evangelism is supposed to look like, and given me amazing opportunities to practice them.

I am by no means "grown" or "mature" or "there". I've just been opened up to a legitimately fulfilling, satisfying, and fruitful life in Christ Jesus. May He continue to transform me by the renewal of my mind. May He continue to become greater, and I become so much less. May He continue to break my heart for the lost and give me the grace to move into their lives. And may He continue to open me up to shine His beautiful Light and be a testament to the Life that is only found in Christ. May I be faithful in the little things and love well.

All I am, I want to lay down at Your feet.

I'm out,

CRT13